Title: Puzzled
Author: IrishDachsie

Pairing: Grissom/Sara

Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine

Grissom was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t actually see the ceiling in the darkened room, but it gave him something to do while he waited for sleep to find him. His mind raced against his will, drifting back over the previous night.

The events came to him in flashes. Bright flashes that made him grimace.

He groaned as the doorbell rang. He glanced at the clock, the bright red numbers confirming that he had been lying in the bed for four hours and twenty-two minutes. With a heavy sigh, he slid out of bed and grabbed a t-shirt. He pulled the thin cotton material over his head as he walked down the hall.

The doorbell rang for a second time as he walked into the living room. Peering through the peephole in the door, he inhaled sharply.

Shit!

He instinctively took a step back from the door. His heart pounded as he tried to decide what to do. He ran his fingers through his hair in a nervous gesture.

"Grissom…come on, I know you’re in there…"

Taking a deep breath, he pulled open the door to find Sara standing on his doorstep. He fumbled through a greeting and noticed that there was not a smile anywhere to be seen.

"We need to talk."

It was a simple statement, but one that crashed over him. He nodded silently and moved to the side to let her in. He closed his eyes as he gently shut the door. He felt the panic as he turned around to look at her. An image of his fingers raking through her hair flashed through his mind. He shook his head gently to dislodge the vision.

His eyes followed her as she paced back and forth across his living room. "Would you…uh…like a drink?"

She stopped pacing and stared at him. "I didn’t come here for a drink…"

He gave her a brief nod as he walked towards the liquor cabinet. "Do you mind if I have one?"

"Your house, your alcohol. Do what you want with it."

He bit his lip gently as he poured himself a shot of Jack Daniel’s. He quickly downed the drink, grimacing at the burn as it slid down his throat. Pouring another, he turned to look at her.

"So…uh…what would you like to talk about?"

She stared at him through darkened eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. "What do I want to talk about? You know exactly what I want to talk about, Grissom."

He lifted the shot glass to his lips.

"Planning on getting drunk so we don’t have to talk about it?"

He swallowed the liquor quickly and coughed lightly. He looked at her and shook his head. "I’m not planning anything, Sara."

She pursed her lips as her eyes narrowed. "Why, Grissom?"

His eyes slammed shut as the image flooded into his brain.

His fingers raking through her hair. His thumb caressing her cheek as he bent his head. Glancing into her eyes quickly just before his lips touched hers. His hands sliding around her back and pulling her to him as his tongue pushed into the warm confines of her mouth.

And then, he pulled back just as suddenly and offered her a weak smile as he walked away.

Hearing her footsteps, he opened his eyes to see her walking to the door. Her hand was on the doorknob, turning it slowly. As the door began to open, he dropped the glass to the floor and ran across the room.

Placing his hand on the door, he slammed it shut. She didn’t move. She stood there, staring at the closed exit, staring at his hand to the left of her head. He moved closer, resting his right hand on the door as well, lower down and on the opposite side of her body. Her heart raced as his chest brushed against her back. His breath was warm, his voice soft, as he spoke into her ear.

"Why what, Sara? Why I hate bananas? Why I grew the beard?" His right hand moved lower down the door, next to her hip. "Why I lay in bed for hours before sleep comes to me every morning? Why you invade my dreams when I finally do sleep? Why I wake up a couple of hours later with my arms wrapped around the pillow?"

Her eyes shut as he moved closer to her. She could feel his firm flesh through his black sweatpants as he pressed his body against her.

"Or…" He inhaled her scent deeply. His voice lowered as he whispered into her ear. "Do you want to know why I kissed you?"

She nodded slowly, resisting the urge to lean back against his chest. His right hand left the door and landed on her hip, turning her around to face him. She glanced into his eyes before quickly diverting her gaze to his shoulder.

"You…you were upset, Sara. I was trying to comfort you. I wasn’t planning on kissing you." She opened her mouth to respond. Knowing from past experiences that her mind was processing his words incorrectly, he placed his finger over her lips. "Let me finish, please…"

His finger lingered on her lips, gently tracing the soft flesh. "I wanted to comfort you, Sara. And then…I comforted myself. I allowed myself to do something that I’d wanted to do for…years, really. I allowed myself to taste your lips, to feel your body in my arms in a loving embrace. And…then I realized what I was doing, where we were, and the fact that I wasn’t sure that you wanted it. So…I walked away before I embarrassed myself further."

She stared into his eyes as his thumb brushed across her bottom lip. She felt his chest heave as his breath became ragged. "And…if it’s not what you want, tell me now." His left hand slid down the door as he took a step forward, effectively pushing her back against the wood. "Because…I think I’m getting ready to embarrass myself again."

Her eyes darted to his lips. "Grissom…I…I didn’t come here to…uh…to fall into bed with you…"

He licked his lips and smiled. "I didn’t say anything about bed, Sara."

She blushed heavily as she closed her eyes. "If you kiss me again…that’s where we’ll end up."

"Is that what you want?" His lips were dangerously close to hers as his soft voice spoke to her.

Her heart screamed yes. She took a deep breath and shook her head slowly. "No."

He nodded silently and pushed himself from the door, from her. He offered her a weak smile, much weaker than the smile he had given her after the kiss. He took a step backwards, his eyes never leaving hers. "Okay."

"No…not no…" She nervously brushed her fingers through her hair.

Grissom looked at her, confusion showing clearly on his face. "I…uh…what?"

She inhaled deeply. "It is what I want. Just…just not…right now."

He tilted his head slightly in a silent request for her to continue. She pushed herself away from the door and walked towards the couch. She sat down heavily as she glanced at him quickly.

"Can we please just…talk? We haven’t talked in months…and then…you kiss me."

He slowly made his way to the couch and sat down beside of her. "We can talk…"

She raised her hand, allowing her fingers to touch the soft facial hair. "Why did you grow the beard?"

He looked down and smiled. "Change."

She lifted his head slightly and smiled shyly as she met his eyes again. "Grissom…if we’re going to talk, I’m going to need more than one word answers."

He chuckled softly. "I’m finding myself. Somewhere along the way, as I grew older, I…lost myself. I lost the person you always had a special smile for. I lost the person who had a sense of humor. I lost…me. And now…I’m closer to who I was a few years ago. And, one day, I hope to see that special smile again."

She grinned at him. "That’s an answer."

His blue eyes twinkled. "And…that’s the smile."

He leaned forward slightly, stopping when she placed a hand on his chest. "One answer…one kiss. Nothing more."

He nodded his agreement and resumed his forward motion. His lips brushed against hers softly before he pulled back. "One kiss. Next question?"

"You dream about me?"

He smiled. "I wasn’t planning on admitting that. But…yes. Yes, I do."

"What kind of dreams?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Does this count as one kiss or two? It’s technically two questions, you know…"

"Answer it…"

"Dreams that a supervisor shouldn’t be having about an employee."

"Can you be any more vague?"

He chuckled lightly. "Actually, yes. But, my vagueness won’t get us anywhere, will it?"

Seeing her grin widen, he sighed lightly. "Okay…" Taking a deep breath, he willed his nerves to calm. "Kissing you, touching you…holding you in my arms." He moved closer to her, his eyes darting between her eyes and lips. "Not being afraid to tell you how I feel." His lips touched hers. His heart lurched as her tongue snaked out in a request for entry into his mouth. His lips parted quickly. Request granted.

She pulled from the kiss suddenly, slipping her tongue from his mouth. She smiled as he groaned softly.

"Grissom?"

"Hm?" His body leaned into her space, effectively pushing her onto her back without even touching her. He grinned and allowed his hand to touch her hip as he leaned over her.

"How…" Her eyes closed as his lips skimmed across her neck. "How…do you feel?"

He pushed himself up and smiled brightly as he gazed into her eyes. "You know…sometimes, actions speak louder than words…"

He silenced her response with a kiss, deepening it quickly as he pressed his hardening flesh against her aching center. She groaned into his mouth as he thrust his hips gently against her.

Sliding her hands between their bodies, she placed her palms against his chest and pushed lightly. She gasped for air as she broke the kiss.

"Griss…that tells me…you’re…" She shook her head gently as she searched for the right words. "That shows…lust. Anyone can feel lust. How do you feel?"

His fingers slid up and down her side. "Sara, I don’t have sex for the sake of having sex." He stared into her dark eyes. "In fact, I don’t have sex at all. I…" He swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "I’ve always believed that there should be emotions…feelings…attached with the act of intercourse. That said, I didn’t get much action when I was in college…" He chuckled nervously, relaxing somewhat as she brushed her fingers through his hair.

"So…what are you saying?"

Grissom took a deep breath. "What I’m feeling…isn’t lust, Sara. Passion? Yes. Nervousness? Yes. Scared? Hell, yes. If sex is what I’m after, then I could have…"

She placed her fingers across his lips. "That’s enough, Griss. I don’t want to go down that road right now, okay?"

He nodded slowly and kissed her fingers as she pulled them away. "I want to…make love with you, Sara. But, it doesn’t have to be right now. That feeling isn’t going to go away. I’ve tried to force it from me. I’ve begged for it to leave. But…it never did. I can…and will…wait as long as I need to…to…make love with you."

He pushed himself up to a sitting position and pulled her up beside of him. The tears stung her eyes as the welled up. "Grissom?"

"Yes?"

"Can I…sleep with you?" She blushed lightly as she realized what she had just asked. "I mean…sleep. You know…not…"

He chuckled as he kissed her lips softly. "I know what you mean. And…yes. You can sleep with me. As long as…uh…you don’t mind waking up with my arms around you."

She grinned brightly and responded with a slow, passionate kiss. "I don’t mind at all…"

They stood up and she held his hand as he led her down the hall to his bedroom. "Griss?"

"Hm?" He walked into the room and turned around to look at her.

"So…why do you hate bananas?"

He laughed lightly as he walked to his dresser and pulled out one of his t-shirts and tossed it on the bed. "They’re too predictable. I guess I like puzzles too much…"

Her eyes fell to the dark blue cotton garment resting on the foot of the bed. He shrugged his shoulders as he answered her silent question. "You wouldn’t be very comfortable sleeping in jeans, would you?"

She smiled as she picked up the shirt. "No, I wouldn’t." She turned to walk to the bathroom to change, stopping as she got to the door. "They’re too predictable?"

"I’ll explain it when we wake up…" He grinned at her as he climbed into the bed.

She shook her head in slight confusion. Changing quickly, she made her way back to his room. He smiled as he watched her climb into the bed beside of him. As he rolled onto his side and spooned her body with his, he heard her soft voice.

"Am I a puzzle?"

He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss into her hair. "One of the best I’ve ever tried to solve."

She settled into his embrace as her smile grew. "Have you solved it yet?"

He chuckled softly. "No, not yet. I think it’s going to take a long time…"

She yawned as she felt his warmth seep into her body. "Kind of like the puzzle I’m working on…"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. But, I’m enjoying placing the pieces together that I have so far…"

"I’m not that difficult, Sara. I just don’t let things be known easily."

She smiled through her second yawn. "That’s what makes it an interesting puzzle…as well as frustrating."

He laughed lightly and pulled her body tighter against his chest. "I’ll toss a couple more pieces in your direction in a few hours, okay?"

She nodded slowly, sleep quickly overtaking her.

He listened to her soft breathing for a while before allowing himself to succumb to slumber.

~ End

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