Title: A Day in the Life of Gil Grissom
Author: IrishDachsie

Pairing: Grissom/Sara
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The author does not own CSI. No profit is being made from this story.

Today I stood outside in the rain. The cold water dripping from my hair concealed the tears that I had been shedding. Last night I found out something. Something I would rather not have heard.

Phillip Gerard was at the lab, watching every move we made. It’s funny that when a crime involves a celebrity, the evidence suddenly becomes compromised. Even though it’s handled the very same way when Joe Blow is involved. Anyway, I digress. I was going over blood patterns on a sheet with her…and enjoying every moment I had alone with her.

And then Gerard walked in, asking questions. Personal questions about…god, I can’t even bring myself to say his name. She confirmed that they had been going out, but making sure to state that they "were just friends." If she had ripped the heart from my chest and jumped on it, it wouldn’t have hurt any less. I don’t think I hid my reaction very well.

I was still upset when she came by before she went to court. When I turned around and saw her, she took my breath away. ‘You look nice.’ Wow, now there’s a compliment. Nice wasn’t the word for it…she was beautiful. But, I couldn’t tell her that. Instead, I ended up saying something that I regretted as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth. ‘You deserve to have a life.’ Yeah, she does, but what I didn’t add were my thoughts…’WITH ME!’ Too late, she rolled her eyes and left me.

She looked kind of rattled when I got to court myself. I’m not sure what she went through on the stand. I asked if she was okay, but she just mumbled a ‘yeah’ to me and walked away. I wanted to hold her, but I couldn’t. I should feel good. I testified to what I had found. The case is going to trial. MovieBoy is in jail. But something is missing. Yeah, Sara is missing. I saw the look on her face when I had to ask for the question to be repeated…not once, but three times. I’m going to have to tell someone soon. And then when she finds out, that will be the end of it.

I went to my office after my testimony. I just sat there staring out the window. And then I heard her voice. I turned around and her eyes captured me. Holding me captive. I try to keep my feelings in my heart, but sometimes they seep to my eyes. And I was feeling nothing but love for her. I wonder if she saw it? Part of me hopes she did. A big part of me. She walked over to me and ruffled my hair a bit. That was a little odd. But, I loved the way her fingers felt in my hair. ‘Go home and get some sleep…you’ve had a busy day.’ That’s what she said to me. Then she turned and walked to the door, looking back once more to give me that smile. The smile I’ve never seen her give to anyone else. Then she was gone.

And I came home. I walked into an empty house. And for the first time, I felt alone. I want her here with me. I want to feel her warm body snuggled against me in sleep. I want…her…Sara. I said her name aloud and startled myself. I heard the rain falling against the patio door. Opening the patio door, I walked outside…and fell to the ground. I tried to control the tears, but at this point, they were controlling me. I looked up towards the sky and let the rain cool my face. And then I just stood there, leaning against the railing with my head down.

The doorbell rang. I really wasn’t in the mood for company. But, something told me to answer the door. Opening the door, my heart jumped and my breathing ceased. She looked at me and then asked, with a smile in her eye, "You just get out of the shower?"

"Huh?" And then it hit me. I was standing in the doorway, fully clothed, and completely soaked. "Oh…no…I was…um…standing in the rain. Come in."

She walked by me and I could smell her. Damn, she was intoxicating. "Something to drink?"

She shook her head slowly at me. "Why were you standing in the rain?"

"Um…thinking."

I got myself a drink and went ahead and poured her a glass of wine as well. She gave me a look that said ‘I TOLD you I didn’t want anything to drink’. I just shrugged, looked at the glass, looked back at her, and said "Sometimes I don’t listen very well."

"No shit." It was more of a mumble, and I barely heard it. But it hit home…hard. I wondered why she was here. And realized that I had actually asked her that…in that ‘Grissom’ way. I winced at myself for the tone in which I said "Why are you here?" The last thing I wanted was for her to leave. And if I wasn’t careful, that was exactly what was going to happen.

"I..I don’t know, Grissom. Maybe I should just leave. It’s late, and I know you’re tired…"

I almost ran to the door to stop her. "No! I mean…I didn’t mean to sound…unfeeling. I’m glad you came by."

Well, that stopped her in her tracks. "Have a drink with me. I could actually use the company."

She seemed thrown by my last couple of comments, but she slowly walked back to the couch and sat down.

"I’m just going to change clothes." She just nodded and I walked into my room.

Coming back into the living room, somewhat drier, I watched her pick up her glass and take a sip of the wine. I sat down beside of her. Not too close, but not too far away either. She looked up at me and I saw the expression change in her eyes to one of concern. "Have you been crying?"

"What? Um…I was just thinking and um…got a little…overemotional. I guess."

She smiled at me. That smile. The one that I’ve heard people call her "Grissom-smile". "You? Overemotional? About what?"

My mind was screaming ‘YOU!’. My heart was racing. I was sure that she could hear it thumping in my chest. "Well…a few things, actually." Looking into her eyes, I knew that explanation wasn’t going to be enough. "Okay, I’ll tell you. But this stays here…between us."

I watched as her eyes actually lit up. "Wow…Grissom spilling his secrets?"

I just smiled and tried to relax as much as I could. "Okay, where do you want me to start? Bad, Worse, or Sucks?"

"Well, why don’t we go from Bad to Sucks?"

"Alright. Bad…bad is otosclerosis."

That came out easier than I had expected. Her beautiful eyes were full of questions.

"Otosclerosis?" Her voice matched the concern I saw in her eyes.

"Mm-hmm. It’s hereditary."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah…I mean, there are treatments. Although, my hearing will never be 100% again…"

"It won’t?"

"Um…no…the damage that has already been done is irreversible. But, surgery can help it from getting worse than it is." Seeing the fear in her eyes, I had to add something to that. "Sara…I’ll be okay. It’s just a little…scary."

"Moving on to worse…"

"Wait, I’m not done with this yet."

I could do nothing but close my eyes for a second and then look up at her. I watched as a single tear trickled down her cheek. Feeling the lump form in my throat, I realized something. She was crying for me. She was crying because she was scared for me.

"Sara…" I reached over to touch her shoulder…and she fell into my arms.

"Grissom, why now?"

“What do you mean, Sara?"

"I’m not sure…and I really don’t think it’s the right time to discuss it." She sat back up, getting herself under control, she looked at me. "Worse…"

‘Worse’ was going to be harder for me to explain…and ‘Sucks’ even more so. I cleared my throat, trying to rid myself of the lump that had formed. "I don’t know Sara, maybe ‘Bad’ was enough for now."

She took a deep breath. "When Grissom opens up, I listen." She took another sip of her wine, took another deep breath, and tried her best to smile. "Worse…"

I looked down at the ground, swallowed hard, and looked back to her.

"Worse is…worse is you and…damn, I can’t even say his name…"

"Hank?"

I couldn’t say anything, just nodded my head. I heard a lighter tone in her voice.

“Hank is just a friend. I promise."

With that, she took my hand and looked directly into my eyes. She had to see it. There was no way that she could’ve missed it.

"I promise." She repeated.

What could I do? I nodded…and hoped she was telling me the truth because I knew she was going to ask what ‘Sucks’ was…and if she wasn’t telling me the truth, then everything was going to go to hell in a hand basket.

"Okay…friends I can deal with." I got up to refill my glass, this time with bourbon. I walked back to the couch and sat down beside her…a little closer this time.

Taking a quick drink of the bourbon, I looked at her. She was smiling. Why was she smiling?

"Sara, why are you smiling at me like that?"

"You’re really cute when you’re nervous."

"Me? Nervous? Why do you say that?"

"You’re drinking bourbon, you’re stammering…and…you’re fidgeting."

I smiled back at her…an honest smile. "So? I’m nervous…"

That brought another snicker from her lips. "What sucks?"

"Excuse me?"

"Bad, Worse, and Sucks? We’ve been through ‘Bad’ and ‘Worse’…what’s ‘Sucks’?"

I breathed a heavy sigh and then took another drink.

"Griss? What sucks?"

"Me"

"What?"

"Me, Sara…I suck. I’m a complete idiot." I was getting more and more upset…but the liquor was helping loosen my tongue a little.

"Griss, you’re not an idiot"

"What do you call a person who keeps pushing away the one person he…." I came to my senses quickly and realized what I was about to say.

"The one person he whats Grissom?"

With another heavy sigh, I finally got it out…

"Loves."

"What?"

"Loves, Sara…Loves…what do you call a person who keeps pushing away the one person he loves?!?"

"Scared…but not an idiot."

"Yeah, an idiot. I bring her in so close, then I get stupid and push her away again. Then, I get scared that I pushed her away for good and I bring her back in. Then I feel like I’m getting too close and she doesn’t feel the same as I do…and I’m scared that the last time I pushed her away was THE last time. I’m scared that she won’t come back to me again."

I looked into her eyes and saw that she was following every word I said. "Have I?"

"What?"

"Have I pushed you away for the last time?" I watched as her eyes filled with tears.

"No, Grissom…you haven’t."

I ran my fingers through her hair and looked deeply into her eyes…eyes that I could, and have before, easily get lost in.

"Good." And when I kissed her…I knew…she was the only woman for me. She’s always been the only one.

Now here I am…lying beside of her in my bed. Watching her sleep, snuggled up against me. Replaying today’s events through my head. If I wake up completely deaf tomorrow, it’ll be okay. At least I was able to hear her say "I love you".

Rolling over to pull her closer to me, I hold her tightly. I kiss her neck and move slowly up to her ear.

"I love you too Sara" I whisper, watching the smile form on her lips.

~ End

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